Motivation from the Uninspired
What do you do when it seems as though every morsel of inspiration has been slowly drained from your body leaving nothing but exhaustion in its wake? How do you become inspired when you don’t even want to look for inspiration?
These words are much too true for me. I bounce wildly from driven and determined to docile and compliant. Maybe it’s genetics at work, my beautiful sister is diagnosed bipolar. Once upon a time, I was suggested by a therapist that I went to for depression issues that I could have a milder form of it. It’d be nice to have that as a scapegoat. Somehow I don’t think my pride would accept that. I could be on fire and I wouldn’t ask a single soul for water. Maybe stubborn is the right word.
The past couple of days I have been utterly uninspired to write. A fear has taken over me, what if my inspiration was a fleeting moment gone before I could even appreciate it? Almost like when I convince myself I am going to go to the gym every day, and I go for a week straight and then stop. Am I destined to be a server for the rest of my life?
That thought is more terrifying than the fear of that spark of inspiration followed by an inevitable darkness that can turn your soul cold. In that, I can find motivation. The motivation needed to hammer away at the keys on this old beat up laptop.
I find fear to be the best motivator, and for me, there’s nothing I am more afraid of than my life plateauing at 24. Inspiration can be hard to find, but motivation is always there, choosing to act on it is usually where I, and I am sure others, fall way short.
It’s easy to get caught up in the every day: wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to sleep, and repeat. That cycle is enough to strip even the most aspiring of their inspiration. I struggle with getting out of bed most days, and usually, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I can come home and cuddle up with my sweetie and fall back into that magical dream land where anything is possible.
There is a difference between motivation and inspiration. Motivation tells you to do something and inspiration tells you to be something. Motivation stems from those not so great feelings like fear and anger. Inspiration stems from those uplifting thoughts and feelings such as hope and desire. At least that’s how it is for me. My lack of inspiration is motivating me to trek on.
It seems as though this post is lacking the energy and emotion I hoped, though, I am still proud of it. I was consciously looking for any reason to put off writing today. I had a long, crappy day at work. My next two days will be torturous, tedious long days, as I work 12-hour shifts all weekend, every weekend. I had almost convinced myself to just hold off for a few days, and pick up again Monday. I know myself too well. If I stop I most likely will not continue.
21 days, it’s said, is how long it takes to make something a habit. I have accepted that inspiration comes in spurts, coming and going in the blink of an eye much like a shooting star. When you’re lucky enough for it to strike you, use it to your benefit, and when it’s gone you must rely on motivation to continue what you’ve started.
I only hope that this is much more enjoyable to read than it was to write. It was like pulling teeth to get out. Usually, the words flow out of me like music out of a speaker, but today, not so much. I write about what is close to my heart and hope it resonates with anyone who happens to find themselves browsing through this blog. I want to share something of value to someone else who understands, but what am I to write about when I have nothing of value to say?
The only thing I could conjure up was that it is okay to feel uninspired. But it’s not okay to give up because of that. I can’t give up on writing, I won’t. Even if my words don’t inspire you, hopefully, I’ve said enough to motivate you.