24 on the 24th
I turned 24 yesterday. My birthdays are usually everything but inspiring. I always find myself depressed as another year goes by with nothing to show for it and the fear of my life slipping through my fingers becomes all too real.
This year was different. A few weeks ago I decided I would not allow myself to waste my life and that’s where this blog came from. I’ve always loved writing, but my lack of confidence and my lack of knowledge always prevented me from pursuing my dreams. I came to the realization that if I shied away from taking that jump that I would forever be a server. My drive to change my circumstances overcame that fear of not being good enough and I went for it.
It’s been a few weeks since then and my life has completely changed. I have been chipping away at that mountain of information that overwhelmed me and made me not even want to try. My confidence has grown exponentially. I have met some amazing people who have gone out of their way to help me, and they helped me in such abstract ways that they wouldn’t even realize what they did for me. They didn’t give me steps on how to be successful. They gave me tips and encouraged my style of writing. They helped build my confidence by sharing pieces of themselves with me. I can never thank you enough. (You know who you are!)
This drive to make something with myself has reignited my drive and passion. It’s given me something to work towards. My dream isn’t to be a multimillionaire; it’s to enjoy my life. It’s to pay my bills without taking away what makes life so beautiful: adventure. I always thought this was a pipe dream. Something to give me peace when I was day dreaming, and now, it’s so close and so tangible I can almost reach out and grab it, and I will.
It’s crazy that the only thing stopping me was myself. I got lost in the every day, as I like to call it. The get up, go to work, pay my bills, eat, sleep, and repeat, a terrible hamster wheel that sucks you in and refuses to let go. I needed to find a way out, and even that is an exhausting idea. Ask anyone how to be successful. I bet you they’ll say, “Go back to school.”
Here’s the deal, I can barely afford to pay my bills as it is. How can I afford to go back to school? Take out a loan that doesn’t cover absolutely everything? Where would I find the time working a full-time schedule? Night classes? I work nights. Day classes? I work those too. Online classes? I’ve tried that. I am not only a procrastinator but a “hands on” learner. I think we need to stop telling people the only way to make it is to rack up tens of thousands of dollars in debt, become specialized in a subject and then try to find a job. After all, the more specialized you are the smaller the job field.
I tried starting an Amazon Seller business. I even saved up and invested about 1500 dollars into it last year, and trust me, which was not easy on my budget. It worked too, I was bringing in some decent side income with that. However, life came crashing down on and I had to dip into my profits that were meant to be reinvested and you can imagine how that ended. Amazon is a patience game, and when bill collectors are knocking on your door you can’t wait.
When I finally decided to give writing a shot, I gave it my all. I knew immediately I had found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I want to inspire people, I want to paint a picture in their heads, I want them to feel what I feel. My blog is the best thing I’ve ever done.
So this birthday was very different. This year I have so many things to look forward to and so many things to be grateful for. At 23 I found myself, I got engaged to the man of my dreams, I laid the ground work for a promising career, and I welcomed my third beautiful nephew into the world. There are so many things to be proud of and so many things to look forward to. My birthday wasn’t this extravagant affair. I didn’t open any gifts or cards. I didn’t blow out any candles. I spent the day watching TV with my amazing fiancé. I spent the day appreciating how far I’ve come and how excited I am to continue down that path. It was a beautiful day.